Now I Need Prozac

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Good grief! Did Thomas Hardy write anything with a happy ending? It’s not that I think that every story has to end well, but for crying out loud Tom, let someone live a happy life. I love Hardy's writing and have read quite a few of his works, but every single one so far has been a tragedy. Reading Tess really hacked me off because there were several points in the story where I thought things were going to work out, but then they didn't after all.

Here is a short synopsis of me reading Tess of the d'Urbervilles.

*Don’t be so hard on yourself Tess, it wasn’t your fault
*Don’t blame Tess, it wasn’t her fault.
*Stay away from him Tess! He's a player and he'll... oops, too late.
*Why are they mad at Tess? It was their fault she went there. And after all, you were hoping she’d get involved with a rich relation.
*Oh damn, that really sucks.
*Huzzah! Tess is going to get a chance to start over and I just know she’ll be happy this time.
*Excellent, a nice boy who isn’t pretentious.
*No Tess – don’t tell him about …. Crap, too late.
*Jeez, nice double standards ya big jerk!
*Stay away from him Tess! A leopard never changes his spots.
*It’s about time you fool – now run after Tess before it’s too late.
*Damn, too late.

For once, all three animals are in agreement. They found Tess so depressing that they are boycotting this review and any further readings of anything by Thomas Hardy.

Mary Queen of Scotland and the Isles

Two pieces of advice:
1) Do read novels by Margaret George
2) Do NOT read 3 in a row

George packs so much information into her novels that after awhile it just seems like you're swimming upstream. Or as my grandmother said while reading Cleopatra "I read and I read and I read and I haven't gone anywhere."

By the time I was about 2/3 of the way through this book I was waking up in the middle of the night screaming "Just freaking behead her already!!!" The dogs hid in their crates anytime they saw me get the book out and the cat merely hissed when I invited her to join me in an evening read.

Don't get me wrong, I really did like the book -- I never keep reading book I don't like -- but 3 MGs in a row is 1 or 2 too many. The historical information was interesting enough that I read a book about Mary's son King James. Benja loved this book because the king spent most of his time hunting. Turk was disgusted with the king because spent most of his time hunting instead of running his two countries. Turk is pretty sure that if he was the king then the United Kingdom would truly be united.

A couple of days ago I found a copy of George's Helen of Troy at Kroger for cheap, so of course I picked it up, but I've buried under my pile of books to read. It'll be awhile before we're ready to read this one.

The Mayor of Casterbridge

I always keep a book on my smartphone so that I have something to do while waiting or during boring meeting. I love having a book anywhere I go, and there are so many classics that you can download for free; this is my favorite site: http://manybooks.net/categories/ .

This week I finished reading Thomas Hardy's The Mayor of Casterbridge. It's basically a novel about how lies can come back to bite you in the ass.

It begins in a small town where a young man named Michael Henchard sells his wife and infant daughter after having a bit too much to drink. After he sobers up and realizes what he has done, he swears off the booze and builds a good life for himself. Twenty years later he is a very successful businessman and the mayor of Casterbridge - a town not too far from the place where he sold his family. When his wife returns with his daughter Elizabeth-Jane, he is torn between happiness at having a chance to make things right, and fear that his past indiscretions will be discovered by the townspeople and business associates.

A very complex web of lies is created as Henchard, his wive, and another woman from Henchard's past desperately try to safeguard their reputations. Unfortunately, the innocent Elizabeth-Jane is caught in the middle of all of the intrigue.

One of the things that makes this novel so interesting is that Henchard, his wife, and his mistress are not really bad people, but they make bad choices. Henchard's behavior makes him hard to like, but then he will turn around and do the right thing, or at least try to, and you suddenly have sympathy for him.

I give this book 4 gilded bird cages (a wedding present in the novel). The pets have no opinion on this novel because they lost their phone privileges last year, you wouldn't believe all of the scrapbooking crap they were buying from HSN.

My Guest Contributers

My name is Turk and I am probably a full-blooded Border Collie.

Likes: Cuddling, PBS, long runs around the lake, Benja.

Dislikes: The cat looking at me, Missy's singing, riding in cars.

Fears: Any kind of camera.




I'm Benja - I was supposed to be a medium-sized Border Colllie, but the jokes on mom :) I'm known around here as the big black thing with ADHD.

Likes: I LIKE EVERYTHING!! AND EVERYBODY!! AND ANYTHING THAT MOVES!!

Dislikes: Being ignored by the cat.

Fears: The remote control.





I'm Circe, I'm a cat, now go away. And take those stupid dogs with you.

Diversion #2

Please, please don't tell anyone - I hate to ruin my serious academic image - but I am hooked on a couple of reality tv shows. Yep, I watch Rock of Love and Flavor of Love. I don't for a minute believe that any of the celebraties or contestents actually think they are going to find true love. I think Flav and Brett are trying to make come-backs and the ladies are trying to get their 15 minutes of fame. But once I started watching I couldn't stop. I can't believe some of the things these ladies will do on TV. Didn't they read the part of the contract stating that this will be broadcast for the world, and their FAMILIES to see.

I only have two comments about the fellas:
WHY???

Don't these ladies know that Brett used to look like this? Don't ask, I don't know which one he is.

Oh, that's right, most of them are too young to remember Glam rock.

The Memoirs of Cleopatra

Another fascinating historical read from Margaret George. This novel was written in the same vein as Henry VIII; an attempt to show Cleopatra's side of the story. This time the information comes from a series of scrolls in which Cleopatra attempts to write down as much of her life story as she can before she dies. The scrolls are left to a trusted friend who adds a last scroll to detail the immediate aftermath of the queen's death.


Young Cleopatra manages to survive the treachery of her family (the Ptolemys were definitely not the Waltons), allies herself with Julius Caesar to regain her throne and to save Egypt, and begins an affair with Caesar. In her spare time she manages to find excellent advisers and government ministers and builds the empire of Egypt into a secure and very wealthy kingdom.

After Caesar's death, she once again picks a strong Roman as her partner; this time it is Marc Anthony. Unfortunately, Marc Anthony doesn't have Caesar's power or Cleopatra's insight into the minds of the power hungry. And we all remember from history class what happens next - get back to class if you don't!

The only problem I had with this book is that I thought the ending dragged out a little too long, but maybe that's because I knew how it would end. Or maybe it was because I already have my next Margaret George book on the coffee table and can't wait to get started.

All three pets were disappointed in this book. You see, they read up on Egyptian customs and were pretty psyched about two particular aspects of ancient Egyptian culture: the cat loved the whole "cats are sacred" bit, and the dogs liked the idea of a person being buried with their belongings, slaves, and favorite animals (easier to herd a cat in an enclosed space). However, the novel did not include cat worship or animal entombment so the dogs are shredding the book for the cat to use in her litter.

The Autobiography of Henry VIII

The Autobiography of Henry VIII: With Notes by His Fool, Will Somers is a nice bit of historical fiction by Margaret George. The author makes an interesting point in the afterword of the novel - what we know about some historical figures is based on the writings of people who didn't really like them, including Henry VIII. Unless you've been watching the Tudors (see picture of Henry the hottie), your impression of Henry VIII is probably that he was a cruel (and very obese) man who was more interested in women than he was in ruling. This book is George's attempt to give Henry's side of the story.

The story begins with a series of letters between Somers and a daughter of Mary Boyeln (one of Henry's mistresses). When the king died, Somers took the kings' private journal and hid it away so that Henry's enemies would not take it and destroy it. As Somers is aging he has decided that the journal should go to this woman who was probably fathered by Henry. Somers also took it upon himself to add annotation along the way to provide further explanation, or sometimes just a different point of view. Henry's journal begins with memories of his childhood and continues until close to his death - Somers fills in the end.

George's version of Henry VIII is a ruler who wants to take care of his subjects, and who isn't lustful as much as he just wants to find true love (and a couple of heirs along the way). She by no means tries to make him perfect, she just shows more compassion for him then most biographers have.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, George tells a good tale. I actually found myself sympathyzing with the King at many points. From what I've learned about this period of time, George also does a really good job in regard to historical detail. This is a great book to read if you like history, but like to have a more human point of view rather than recitation of plain facts. I give this book 5 papal dispensations. The dogs skipped this one because they are too busy arguing Hillary vs. Obama. The cat loved this book because once again "her" lap did not move much over the weekend.

Dies the Fire/The Protector's War

Don't worry, they'll save us------->

As I mentioned in a previous post, I really like post-apocalyptic science fiction. It’s interesting to think about how we would re-build and I sometimes wonder if I would survive. After reading the first two books of a trilogy by S.M. Stirling, I’ve come to the conclusion that I would be one of the first ones eaten. In Dies the Fire and The Protector’s War the people who are most successful are excellent swordspersons, magnificent archers, and also know their way around an anvil and forge. That’s right, you guessed it, they are members of the SCA (Society for Creative Anarchism). For those of you not familiar with SCA, these are the folks who study medieval culture and warfare and reenact in their spare time. I’ve seen SCA folks doing their thing and had no idea they were so talented. Well, this is sci-fi fantasy so anything is possible.

The story is about a mysterious event which could be an EMP, except for the fact that is doesn’t just take out electronics, it also renders explosives useless. How convenient for the SCA—no guns. While many people run nilly-willy for canned goods and still try to use money, other folks figure out that life is going to be different for a long time to come and begin to organize. The novel centers on several groups of people:
1) An ex-marine who is piloting a family to their vacation home when the blast causes them to crash in the mountains. Luckily the kids in the group are experienced on horseback and have had archery lessons. The youngest is so obsessed with Tolkien that she actually knows the steps for making a bow. And luckily again, they eventually find a family of horse trainers/traders that includes a man who knows his way around an anvil and forge. They grow into a large group of valiant and honorable fighters known as the Bearkillers.
2) A Wiccan high priestess who owns a lot of land in an isolated area (not that far from where the ex-marine lands) and is joined by quite a few of her coven members. Many of the folks who end up at Dun Juniper are SCA members who are so knowledgeable about the art of war, making weapons and armor, and just about anything else a fledgling society might need. They join forces with the Bearkillers to protect themselves and other good folk from…
3) A medieval studies professor who creates his own Machiavellian kingdom and controls his people through fear. Knowing as many professors as I do, this one cracks me up.

And while anything is possible in fiction, even a science fiction story needs some plausibility and this is one of the problems I have with this series. There are just too many instances of blind luck in these books. I imagine when I finish the last novel in the series I’ll discover that it isn’t luck or coincidence, but the hand of the “Lord and Lady”. You see, just like the author, most of the characters from one settlement are Wiccans so I’m pretty sure that it will be revealed that the gods have been controlling everything all along.

Despite the annoying number of coincidences (if they are indeed coincidence) I did enjoy these books and plan to read the last one of the series—when it’s out in paperback. So that’s my rating, I like them well-enough to buy the last novel in paperback, but not enough to shell out the extra dough for the hardback. The cat did not like these books because the mysterious blast knocked out the power which means no central air or heat. The dogs could care less, they’re busy following the primaries.

Special Topics in Calamity Physics

Special Topics in Calamity Physics is the story of a young girl named Blue. When Blue is very young her mother passes away and her life becomes a journey from one small college to another. Her father is a professor whose method of dealing with the death is to take a new faculty position every semester. Blue is a brilliant child and moving from place to place doesn't hurt her education, especially since her father teaches her Shakespeare's sonnets instead of "The Wheels on the Bus" and she reads scholarly works as opposed to fairy tales.

The majority of the action takes place during Blue's senior year of high school. Her father has decided to stay in one place for the entire year and enrolls her in an exclusive private school. In the first week of the semester Blue is reluctantly recruited to join a group of 5 students whose lives practically revolve around the enigmatic film teacher, Hannah. At first Blue is not accepted by the other students, they merely tolerate her presence because Hannah insists. Eventually Blue begins to come out of her shell and enjoys being a part of the group. Unfortunately, strange things begin to happen and Blue begins to dig deeper into the mystery of Hannah.

The novel ends after Hannah pushes the group into an ill-fated camping trip and Blue becomes obsessed with investigating Hannah's death. Her findings are amazing and there is a fantastic twist at the end of the novel. By the way, Hannah's death is not a spoiler. Blue tells us that Hannah died on the second page of the novel.

I was drawn to this novel because of the title and the chapter titles. Each one is named after a literature classic that is thematically related to the action in that chapter. I almost put the book down because of the sometimes too frequent citations that Blue used during her narrative, but I powered through them and am glad that I did.

I give this book 4 classics -- the citations slowed me down but the story kept me interested and I did love the twist at the end. The border collie gives this a box of milkbones because the citations made him think this was a scholarly work instead of a silly novel. The big black dog didn't finish the book because she ran out of ritalin and couldn't stay focused. The cat also did not finish because the big black dog wouldn't leave her alone.

Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse

I love a good tale of the apocalypse--doesn't everyone? It's not that I'm full of doom and gloom and I don't obsessively watch the doomsday clock (FYI, it's seven minutes to midnight). However, I do enjoy stories that ponder life after the big bomb/virus/zombie attacks/genetic mutation/big flood/etc. Depending on my frame of mind, it's either fun or an intellectual exercise to consider what humans would do after the big whatever. What would society look like? Would we cooperate or compete? Would humankind accept their lot in life or fight to rebuild society?

So anyway, I love a good tale of the apocalypse so this book was like a trip to Camden Park (before it became old, dangerous, and creepy). Twenty-two stories AND a "list for further reading". Contributers include well-known sci-fi authors such as Stephen King, Orson Scott Card, and George R.R. Martin. My favorite story was "Judgement Passed" by Jerry Oltion. It's about a group of explorers who return to Earth after 20 years in space. They arrive to find that the Second Coming has come and gone. They know this is what happened because they find newspapers with the story (including pictures of Jesus walking around town). They spend their days trying to decide if God didn't notice them because they were so far away, if God did notice them but didn't want them, and if they should try to get his attention to they can also leave the world.

If you aren't familiar with this genre of sci-fi but like more mainstream books such as The Stand, Children of Men, and the short story that was the basis for the current hit I Am Legend, then you might like these stories. Also, if you like the aformentioned movies, READ THE BOOKS!! They really are much better.

I can only give this collection 2 thumbs up because I only have 2 thumbs. The cat gives it 5 stars because she dreams of an armageddon in which all dogs die and all surviving humans live to serve her. The border collie could not be bothered because he was busy trying to understand the humor of Candide, and the big black dog could not finish it because she is the happiest dog in the world and the stories were bumming her out.

Diversion #1

I have a twisted sense of humor, so I think this is hysterial. It's also a good reminder as to why I never have and never will bungee jump.

WARNING: animated stick figure blood

http://www.nix-glop.com/toons/bungee.swf

Water for Elephants

Do you ever plan to do nothing but read on the weekend? Then this is the perfect book for you. Unfortunately, I did not start this on the weekend so I had a couple of way too late nights. I fell in love with Water for Elephants within the first few pages and had a lot of trouble putting it down. It is written in pretty simple language and the story really flows along.

The novel tells the story of Jacob, a young man on the verge of graduating from veterinary school. He plans to return home after graduation and join his father's practice. Several weeks before final exams Jacob learns that his parents were killed in an accident. He also learns that the practice and his family home were mortgaged in order to send him to school. Although Jacob does return to school and tries to prepare for finals, he just can't stay focused. He wanders off along the railroad track and on impulse jumps into an open boxcar. It turns out he has just landed on the train of a traveling circus.

Jacob joins the circus as the vet and is befriended by an animal handler named August who is a version of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde--kind and generous one minute, cruel and violent the next. Jacob falls in love with August's wife and does his best to hide it. But it wouldn't be a good story if Jacob's feeling didn't come out. And it wouldn't be a good circus novel without an elephant. Rosie is central to this story and she's an elephant that is dumber than a doornail (or is she?). I enjoyed the plot as well as the details about traveling circuses.

I give Water for Elephants 5 tickets to Ringling Brothers. All three of my pets give it nothing to protest the treatment of circus animals. I never should have let them read the PETA website.

Children's Hospital

Children's Hospital by Chris Adrian absolutely fascinated me. The premise of the book is that the earth is covered in 7 miles of water after a storm. The only survivors are the people who were in a children's hospital at the time. There are about 1000 survivors - a couple of doctors, quite a few med students, the hospital staff, the patients, and family members of some of the patients. The hospital is able to stay afloat thanks to the intervention of a very creepy angel. The angel provides for the survivors' every need, want, or whim; she just won't tell anyone why they survived or when they will see dry land again. Anyone can have assistance from the angel as long as they will give her a name. I would name this angel Hal - and if you don't get the reference to Hal, you might be too young to be surfing the web unsupervised.

At first life goes on pretty much as it did before the disaster, after all this is a hospital full of sick children. But eventually the residents begin thinking about other things, such as building a community, finding families for the orphaned children, and deciding which doctor should get the lead in the next musical. Of course there are crises to resolve and a surprise or two at the end, but you'll have to read the book to find out more.

I give this book 5 bookmarks. I like Adrian's style of writing, love surrealism, the characters were compelling, and the story kept me hooked. My cat gives this novel 20 dead mice because for 3 days I barely moved. My dogs give it a big stinky pile of doggie-doo because for 3 days I barely moved.